In order to keep this blog updated with more of my writing journey, aside from my own writing process that is, I thought I’d share something when I scored my highest writing milestone to date and the journey it took to get there. I finished the first draft of my NA Contemporary Romance Wonderlust in 2017 and went on a rigorous editing phase for the next few years. It’s even still going as we speak. As I was going, obviously, I was looking for a way to get it published. I briefly thought of self-publishing it, having printed initial copies through US-based printer/self-publisher Lulu as a physical archive, apart from the manuscript form.
Around July 2019 or so, my best friend/talented writer, Griselda, who was at the time been hard at work to self-publish her own short story collection and delving much into the world of publishing, referred me to Epigram Books Fiction Prize, a literary award based in Singapore. Before 2019, the award applicants were limited for Singapore green card holders, but applications started to be open for Southeast Asian writers too.
Having no fiction work previously acknowledged nor published by renowned public media before, of course I highly doubted my chances. Who would read or even consider a book for publication about two white lovers set in Europe written by an Asian girl who at that time hadn’t been to any of the places set in the said book? Especially amidst the highly campaigned “Own Voices” movement? (I’ll make another writing on this topic next time). I previously submitted Wonderlust and my YA Paranormal Romance Translucent for other prizes such as Bath Novel Award and Pitch Wars, which resulted nothing really.
Anyway, around a week before the Epigram deadline after i initially dropped the idea of submitting, I decided to share this to my dad. My dad always supported me in doing my passions, especially writing since I’m still looking for a way to get professionally acknowledged and published. So obviously, he urged me to give it a go. I looked through the requirements again, which was hefty considering I was to submit five hard copies of my manuscript. That was 100,000 words (500 pages) x 5 copies. Would that be possible? Would my budget fit in? My dad was like “Don’t worry about the budget.” He’d help chip in.
Dealing with Hardcopies.
I had around a week to start printing five hard copies, and all needed to be printed out in high quality and bound neatly for craftsmanship purpose. My dad tried to test print a hardcopy for the quality and fee at a printing service in Kebayoran Baru, which is quite renowned as I go there often to print out my design work (they have fabulous paper quality and range by the way). But obviously, it’s more of a design printer rather than a text one, so my dad got ripped off for almost 1,000,000 IDR for a SINGLE HARD COPY. I really thought of dropping off the competition because there was NO WAY I SPENT 5M for something I wasn’t sure to be winning. I mean, not that I didn’t want to make an effort to do hardcopies. Eventually, as a writer, I needed to make spendings for hardcopies, but surely there was a cheaper alternative.
But my dad kept pushing and assuring me not to miss the chance, while he would also be helping look around for alternative cheap printers. When I was stuck, I nonchalantly stared at the bustling road outside my office, and right across was a lone printing service with a cheap branding. They bear no permanent signage, just a tattered, poorly printed banner hanging and waving right at the scaffolding. I trudged my way across and asked them if they could print four more copies in four days time. I explained to this lady that each manuscript had around 500 pages and how they needed to be bound.
I kid you not, she said all those four manuscripts with roughly 2000 pages, all bound, would cost less than 500,000. The turnaround time was due in four days time.
Not wanting to risk another bad print, I didn’t want to celebrate prematurely and asked her to print two copies first. She agreed and I was to pick them up in two days time, sparing me another two days for emergency printing should anything bad happen.
I proceeded to transfer the file to the staff, which cost me an hour off my work time. I told my boss I had a business right across the street which earned me a quick suspicion from essentially everyone in the office, since there was no hang out place across the office. Anyway, I picked up the copies in two days and…
THE COPIES TURNED OUT SO SMOOTH, BUTTERY, AND VELVETY. In another word, boy, were they in an amazing condition. I undoubtedly greenlit the printing of the remaining two.
Okay I had no documentation of the said hardcopy, but trust me on this when I said it turned out just *chef’s kiss*
By Saturday, around D-2 of the award deadline, my dad drove me up to the printing service across my office, picked up the oh-so-neat two hardcopies while carrying the other three. I had my Epigram form filled up and ready, my photos printed, and all the paperwork gathered and stapled. We went to DHL at West Jakarta for their international shipping service, and I picked an expedited shipping since it needed to arrive in no time before the deadline closed.
Bidding my babies farewell as they were off to see the world.
The Unofficial Announcement.
Fast forward to somewhere around September 2019,
I was hanging out after work with my friends. We were going to see a movie (it was one of those early-fall/late-summer movies, I think), when I got this email.
Like, what?
Was it even real?
I remember internally screaming at the food court as we were waiting for the movie. But also see a disclaimer at the email saying the news was confidential until it would be announced publicly. So, like anyone scoring a role at a Marvel movie or Star Wars, I decided to keep things hush hush from everyone. Though it was honestly hard, I’d rather wait indefinitely for my loved ones to wait until the news officially dropped.
And it dropped a day before my birthday. I couldn’t think of a better present.
Truly it was a great honor, and the greatest honor was not only seeing solely my name up there, but also seeing that I was the only Indonesian standing among other talented Southeast Asian writers–Singapore, Malaysia, Brunei, Thailand. In a way or another, I represented the country. I nearly teared up, really. For the first time ever, a group of writing professionals posing as judges actually read through and considered my entry out of apparently 60 others. For the first time ever, regardless it was on its most imperfect condition, someone believed in my narrative, in my voice, and in the way I bring my readers through my story. Someone believes in the characters I wholeheartedly created and had been hearing conversing and bickering in my head throughout the writing process.
Someone, despite it being at its least perfect form at the time, believes in Wonderlust, a tale about two enemies-to-lovers traversing across Europe to Paris with one of them holding a secret, in a way I couldn’t imagine. Someone actually believed in my imagination.
I scanned through the other longlistees and was shocked that they were either represented, scored a residency, had a close connection to literary industry, gifted scholars, poets, and published authors. Then there was me, with zero professional writing background. I was grateful to get in touch with one of the then longlistees, who later won the competition, Joshua Kam. His novel was titled How the Man in Green Saved Pahang, and Possibly The World. I have yet to get my hand on his book but the premise sounds so promising and thrilling! And so were the other published work of the finalists who gave authentic voices from their respective regions into the novels!
What’s next?
Unfortunately, a month later, I wasn’t shortlisted, nor was I chosen to get published. Wonderlust once again was left wandering the perilous querying trenches indefinitely. I wasn’t sad or soppy. I knew Wonderlust still needed a lot of work before it would be ready to greet the world. So it all ended with a positive, bittersweet note and a lot of lessons taken from the experience. I was grateful enough to have earned a position in the top ten. I was grateful of all the people who pushed me to try, to believe in the voice when no one else did, even to my boss and coworkers who let me have a “shady” off-time for an hour to let me print my hardcopies out.
I’m sure one day, as I’m working on a new draft of my next novel, Wonderlust, will earn its place on the bookshelves. This Epigram journey made me believe that the story matters. My voice matters. Regardless it being a non-own voice book in a scene where own voice sets a bar to diversify the bookshelves, this book feels very personal to me in so many ways. So I would continue working and fighting for this book.
I know I have no place to say this since I’m still unpublished up to this day, but I hope my journey bit could inspire you to believe in your work, in yourself. If you’re a writer, your work is never too weird to earn a place in the world. Someday, the right person might find it amusing, might be taken by it. You’ll find the right audience. Keep polishing your work and keep holding on to your unique voice. Take a step and surround yourself with the right support system, those who believe in you too.
Check out the brilliant work of 2020 Epigram Books Fiction Prize finalists!
Carissa Tandiono 